Parents Should Run When They Hear Either of These Two Statements

moody-girlI remember when I was very young and working at a summer camp with kids dealing with emotional and behavioral issues.  There was one boy, around 6th grade, who saw the glass as 9/10ths empty and who was given to explosive rage at the drop of a hat.  His mother came to visit and asked me how he was doing. I told her he was great; a joy to have. She looked at me and replied simply. “ Bullshit!”  She knew her child!

No-one knows your child better than you.  However, there are, also, a wide range of professionals that know the theory of childhood better than you.  When the two work well together in partnership, it is wonderful. However, when parents do not have an accurate assessment of their child, like the poor suffering camp mother mentioned above, the results may be destructive.

No One Understands Your Child Like You

Over the years, many parents have reported to me two phrases that well-meaning friends, relatives, and some professionals use when speaking to them about their child.

The first is “She’s fine!”

Well, quite often, she is not fine.  The child others see for small chunks of time may seem like any other child, but that same child a parent is living with 24/7, may exhibit in a poor way when out of the public eye. For example, often the positive behavior a child shows at school will be very different from what parents are seeing. Often, the discipline of the classroom discourages students from acting out in front of the teacher and their peers.

Often, children may show tremendous discipline in behaving appropriately with the soccer team or with extended family, only to erupt at home. The home serves as a safety valve from the pressures of the day. Often, children act out at home because they view mom and dad as that safety net that is not available elsewhere-no matter how poor the behavior, mom and dad will always be there.

The child may not be fine, so do not listen to others-they mean well, but it is not their child.

“He’ll grow out of it” is a second, unfortunate phrase that well-wishers use to comfort an anxious parent.

stressed-parentAgain, this is not correct.  Not only may the child not simply grow out of it as he might do with acne, but it may get a whole lot more difficult.  This is a phrase that is often used to describe young boys, their behaviors, and academic deficits. However, while a parent waits for this metamorphosis to occur, the child often suffers unnecessarily.

A parent would not wait for the child’s tooth to fall out before seeking help; a parent would not wait until the child is bumping into the furniture before getting glasses; nor should a parent wait if that “gut” feeling suggests the child needs support.

Crossing your fingers and hoping for the best is not a good strategy; such a parent will likely have to deal with an even more complicated situation down the road. Meanwhile, the child is losing vital time.

So how does a parent best support their child?

Become Informed

This is where a site like is important.  Before you spend lots of time and money, acquaint yourself with what the challenge may or may not be.  Your strategy in building your bank of information requires that you become a researcher. This can be a long drawn out process involving multiple office visits and treatments, or it can begin with a trusted partner at ConfidentParentscoach that is an advocate for you.  Our library of home screenings is available for your use, and we are here to support without blame or shame and at a price designed to make it available to all.

Once you have either a specific or a ballpark idea of the challenge your child faces, the question is what to do about it. For some, the issue may be so massive that immediate intervention is the best course of action. This is a difficult road to travel. First, there is the problem of finding a therapist willing to work with your child.

A Common Sense Approach

As you can imagine, finding the person capable of building a relationship with your unique child is difficult. Moreover, the logistics of finding a time that works for all the family is an extra burden as office hours occur during the work/school day.  The expense of this can be considerable with limited medical insurance coverage for visits often open-ended with little suggestion of wrapping up.

Parents are often shocked to be left in the waiting room as the relationship between their child and the therapist is confidential; essentially, parents are often secondary to the process. Finally, parents can become frustrated with a process is backward-looking, slow and methodical.

Unlike the above #2, at, we believe in the centrality of the parent in supporting their child. We believe that many of the issues involving children can be tackled with common sense approaches by parents that are informed and that are open and keen to help. We believe that by directly supporting the parent, it is possible to deal with individual behavioral challenges, one at a time, with the goal of improving future family interactions and relationships.